In Defense of Melancholy

The other day, when I was feeling particularly upset about something, I called my sister. At the sound of my tears, she repeated her usual stop-feeling-sorry-for-yourself-mantra, which was to tell me to "stop being so f*cking emo and go out and do something fun. Get your mind off of it!"

I could have taken her advice (and I sometimes do), but I am of the opinion that to do so would have been a disservice to myself. Simply put, I don't like to short-change my sadness or deny it its rightful place in my existence. In fact, I think it's an emotion of immeasurable value. This is an unusual concept. The idea of honoring your sorrow is not something that seems natural. It defies our traditional schema, which tells us that the ultimate goal is to “be happy”, which means we must do everything in our power to avoid, or minimize, our pain. There are a myriad of ways in which we as human beings try to circumvent the sorrow in life, yet it seems to seep out from us in spite of our sometimes gargantuan efforts to conceal it.

Which begs the question: why are people afraid of sadness? Why do we try to cover it up and pretend it doesn’t exist? Why is the sight of another person in tears so disconcerting? Why can’t we just let that person give voice to the anguish? Cry our eyes out, scream at the top of our lungs, throw something across the room! Sorrow is as vital to existence as joy. Heartache means that something is precious to us, that we are emotionally invested. It reminds us that we still have a stake in something - and without that, what is the point of anything, really?

Too often it seems to me that those around me elect to feel numbness. There is a sort of collective aversion to intensity. I think William Faulkner put it better than I ever could when he said “If I had to choose between grief and nothing, I’d choose grief”.

So, to all those who know me, if you see me in tears, don’t try to get me to "cheer up" right away and "put the bad thoughts out of my head". Just tell me to cry my f*cking eyes out, because you know what - it’s okay.