The B Side

Last night I went to a concert with my friend L. The performer, Lance Horne, sang a variety of songs, most of which were entertaining. But there was one that resonated with me, in the dim blue lights of the small and intimate concert hall . It was called "The B Side", the story of a man whose lover had left him. Although I probably don't do it justice in paraphrasing, the man in the song likened himself - and his life - to the B Side of an album. Always there, ever present, rarely played. The songs that never make it to the top of the charts, the collection of melodies that remains, waiting and hoping that someone will finally, truly hear what it has to say. The B Side is certain that one day, even if it is never favored, someone will make sense of its myriad of notes and lyrics. Someone has to. Its existence will be given meaning. And so it waits.

Yesterday at work I was reading a poem called "Rememberance" by my favorite poet, Rainer Maria Rilke. It goes like this:

And you wait, keep waiting for that one thing
which would infinitely enrich your life:
the powerful, uniquely uncommon,
the awakening of dormant stones,
depths that would reveal you to yourself.

In the dusk you notice the book shelves
with their volumes in gold and in brown;
and you think of far lands you journeyed,
of pictures and of shimmering gowns
worn by women you conquered and lost.

And it comes to you all of a sudden:
That was it! And you arise, for you are
aware of a year in your distant past
with its fears and events and prayers.

And then it occurred to me this morning, in the subway station with its ceaseless humming and faceless throngs: the B Side. In a sense, aren't we all "waiting for tomorrow to come/For that train to come running 'round the bend" (as Springsteen said in "Better Days")? The promise of the future. Fame, glory, wealth, love, excitement, recognition, healing, freedom from our demons, clarity, understanding. That one thing - it's out there - it has to be!

Rilke's words, so powerful to me, transcend time and space. I wish I could have met him. I wish I could have told him - though I am sure that the right words would have failed me - that once, at least for single, powerful, inimitable moment in my life, I heard the B Side playing loud and clear, and realized that it's been the side that's really been playing all along. Because the B side is life. Humanity. Hope. Desperation. Mistakes. Forgiveness. Ceaselss yearning.

That was it!

Yet still I wait.