March 17th, 2004

I should stop asking
Questions that have no answer
But they linger in the air
Phantoms
Ever present even if unacknowledged

I should accept
That you did your best
That I did as well
That there is no more room in this tiny chamber
For guilt or blame
We cannot coexist any longer

I should be glad that you are not in pain any longer
The intensity of your suffering has ceased
Yet it still lives with me; so vivid in my dreams
You wouldn't want me to remember you that way
Your smile should be more potent that your tears

I should have accepted your absence by my now
You left long ago
Yet sometimes I still reach for the phone
About to call you
Anxious to hear your voice
And then I remember
I would rather forget

You once told me
That should is the most useless word in the English language
And I agreed.

For my mother, Marilyn Ann Gluck, January 15th, 1948 - March 17th, 2004